10 Deadly Sins of Communication

I read about the ten deadly sins of communication in the book “Crystal Clear Communication” by Kris Cole (ISBN: 0-7248-0538-9) and found it so helpful and interesting I thought it was worth sharing around. Essentially the ten deadly sins are potential communication blockers. Most of them disadvantage the listener but a few (namely being vague and diverting) disadvantage the speaker. Below is a brief summary of the ten deadly sins with a bit of my interpretation thrown in. Perhaps they will help you determine communication blockers you may be using. I was unaware of a few that I was using – it can be really hard to stop them at times but just being aware of them can help!

1. Evaluating: This means giving non-specific or very general      feedback. To avoid this, ensure compliments do not come across as      patronising flattery and be specific in your comments.

2. Moralising: This is characterised by preaching, blaming, shaming      or dragging up the past. If you find you do this, try to find solutions      and focus on the future!

3. Playing psychologist or labelling: I am sure we have all been annoyed      at some stage by someone saying to us “Your problem is … “ or “You are too      sensitive”. The simple rule to avoid labelling is not to diagnose other’s      behaviour.

4. Making sarcastic remarks: This one needs no further      explanation. The result of being sarcastic can be perceived as name      calling. The simple way to avoid this is to say what you mean rather than hiding      it in a sarcastic remark.

5. Commanding: The result of commanding is that it blocks      further discussion and may de-humanise the listener. Avoid this by asking and not telling.

6. Railroading: This is a more subtle form of commanding      and is characterised by talking too quickly so as not to give others a      chance to speak. To avoid railroading, ensure you look for approval of      listeners before determining if they agree with you and maybe give them      some time to walk away and have a think about what you have just said.

7. Threatening: This may be direct (“You’d better      ..”) or a more subtle message. The result of being threatening is that the      listener may look for ways to disobey. To avoid being threatening, explain      why something needs to happen in a way that doesn’t feel like an “or      else”.

8. Giving unsolicited advice: This is when you force your opinions      on others. To avoid this, wait for others to request for advice, that way      they will listen. If you feel it necessary to give unsolicited advice, ask      for permission first. Eg. “Do you mind if I make a suggestion?”

9. Being vague: To avoid being too vague, get to the      point and be specific. Make it cleanly and clearly and don’t expect the      listener to “take a hint”.

10. Diverting: This means trivialising a person’s comments and      most often occurs if a person begins to reveal something emotional or      personal. If you work with this person often, take the time to listen - sympathising      with another person is meaningless if you use comments such as. “.. Every      cloud has a silver lining”.

These communication dont’s are general things to avoid in your day-to-day dealing with others. You may have a good understanding with some friends and colleagues and the odd sarcastic remark will have no ill effect. There are also some times where using one of these communication mechanisms is essential, for example, when safety is at stake. After all, you couldn’t expect a commanding officer in the Navy to say “Could you please fire that missile when you get a chance?”

Comments

[Thomas Griffin]

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[emjas]

This is very informative and interesting read!

I'll keep it in mind.